Rukia, I'm lonely
by Orangeezer
Summary: Ichigo wakes up in the middle of the night, thinking that Rukia came back to visit him. But he realised, it was only his imagination...


The night was quiet. It was too quiet for comfort. Cool breeze swept by the nearby trees as quiet as a phantom, disturbing the quiet peace as the leaves let out a rustling protest.

Ichigo's eyes popped open wide as he jerked his torso off the bed, his weight resting on one of his elbows as the other hand clutched onto his blanket tightly. Staring out of the window, he saw nothing but trees swaying lightly under the moonlight. _There__was__nothing__there.__Nothing__at__all._Despite chiding himself multiple times that there was nothing outside his window, Ichigo just stayed there, in his frozen state, his eyes still staring right at the same old place. The rustling leaves and quietness made him thought someone had come to visit, someone from the other world where he couldn't reach anymore.

He let out a large breath of air and repositioned himself at the edge of the bed. His elbow was feeling kinda sore. The wooden floor beneath his feet felt so cold. It felt like there had been no one here for a long time. Ichigo put his head between his knees and hugged his thighs. Squeezing his head with his knees, he thought, '_Its__true,__no__one__had__been__here__for__a__long__time__…' _This was another time when he had anticipated the arrival of a graceful intruder dressed in black robes like night with a sword at the waist. And this was another time he was disappointed. He let out another defeated sigh, his hot breath tickling his ankles. He sat up straight and stretched himself but an expected yawn never came. He can't sleep at all. He plopped his head back onto his fluffy pillow and felt it sank.

He glanced back at the same old place again. That was where Rukia liked to sit on a full moon night like this. She'll sit by the window, as dainty and light as a feather, chirping about things in the human world she found interesting or those she never quite understand, like the juice box. Ichigo let out a soft chuckle when he thought of this. He thought of how funny it was, how such a simple and insignificant little juice box could make Rukia wreck her brains to seek a way to drinking the juice packed in that _juice__box_. Haha, _juice__box_. "That's how Rukia pronounced it after it pissed her off the first time", laughed Ichigo. He let out a sigh again and put his arms behind his head, smiling silly at the window. He never had to worry that Rukia would fall off the edge of the window when she sat there. She was as elegant as she was. Light and gentle. She would swing her little legs happily while she hummed her little song, sometimes talking about little things that Ichigo never even noticed or cared for. Then he would pretend to be annoyed and lie in bed like how he was doing right now, grumbling about tiny midgets that annoy the heck out of him. But Rukia did not cared. No, not that she did not care of what Ichigo was complaining about. But that she saw through him. Because she would just turn her head back and smile at him and return to what she was doing. Ichigo smiled. Other friends like Keigo would probably give him a earful or annoy him because they really thought he was just being a prick. But Rukia was different. She knew what he meant. When he said "Argh! Midgets are so annoying, they can't shut up." She knew he meant "Go on, tell me about it." He was pretentious idiot who was acting all tough and rough. Rukia made him felt comfortable in his own shell.

The ends of Ichigo's lips lifted as he rolled onto his side, enjoying the night breeze's visit. He laid just like that for a while until his orange locks stopped brushing his cheeks as the breeze's visit ended. He jostled his lazy self out of bed and stepped slowly to the window. Scratching his back like an old man carelessly, he raised his hand to close the window. But the moon stopped him. The cool metal trim against his hand felt as cold as his heart as he gazed up towards the moon like how Romeo would look at Juliet when he came to see her secretly. The moon was full and glowing. It looked like a blue mirror that reflected nobody.

Brown orbs like melted malt candy stayed unmoving even as hot tears over flow to the brims and rolled down his cheeks. Ichigo trembled as the feelings he had held onto so tightly went out of control like wild horses and betrayed himself. They overflowed after they exploded within him. The moon was the mastermind, it was the culprit, it made him feel like this, it tore down his defences mercilessly in the quiet of the night when he thought no one would. He gripped onto the edge of the window, the metal digging into the flesh of his fingers painfully. He rested his forehead into the back of his hand and sobbed as quietly as he could, shaking violently as he tried to push those feelings back into himself. Rukia, the moon reminded him of Rukia. It was just like her, so gentle and calming, sometimes it disappears and you have no idea where it is. But it was powerful. It brought him to tears.

He had been lying to himself all this time. He said he wanted a normal life, a life where he didn't need to fight hollows and risk his life fighting Aizen. He said didn't want to see spirits. They are all lies. _Stupid__lies._He slammed his fist.

He thought he would be okay. But no, he was not. Holding onto his little secret as he said goodbye to Rukia, he watched as she faded away. The last longing look Rukia gave him had crushed him. Those large violet eyes, did they figure out the loneliness he tried to conceal? He was afraid they did. Everytime Ishida runs across the corridor, announcing his visit to the nurse's office, he would pretend Ishida really was going to the nurse's office. He never felt so left out. Everyday he walked out of his house and everywhere looked so empty and feel so empty, it made him feel weird. At first, he thought it was because he was not used to it, the fact that he could no longer see and feel spirits. But after a while, he realised the problem was not as it seems. The streets felt empty and the air gushed through his ears. It felt too silent it made him feel like he was the only one left in this world. Without his powers, he felt weak. He missed the feel of Zangetsu in his hand, the blue fire burning on his skin as he shouted bankai. The end of the line of cloth wrapped around Zangetsu would flare up his raging reiatsu and he will pierce through the air with speed faster than lightning, adrenaline running on his finger tips. Then, he'll swing Zangetsu and let the earth rumble as his black reiatsu raged. Passion and fire exploded inside of him.

Faces flashed before his eyes. He looked back to his room. Still remember the time when Ikkaku, Matsumoto, Yachiru, Renji and the gang came into his room without his permission and took out his light. Matsumoto pointed to Ikkaku's head and said they installed a new light bulb._Hahahaha_. Rubbing his palm on his face to wipe off the drying tears, Ichigo touched his bedpost with the tip of his fingers. Tears almost flow out again but he clenched his teeth hard and swallowed them back.

His moonlight-drenched closet caught his eye. It was a closet of memories. Somebody used to sleep in there. Standing next to it, Ichigo listened to the empty space of nothingness inside the closet. It sounded hollow. So quiet. He touched the cool surface. The pearly light on his fingers, he searched for the warmth that used to linger there. His fingers found nothing but the rim of the door. Slowly, he slide it open. The smell of clothes and mothballs was in place of Rukia's scent. The futon was gone too. _Sigh._ Running his hand across the place where Rukia used to rest, feeling its rough wooden texture, he thought he felt the slightest warmth of Rukia's body heat that didn't leave him. Why he had left the upper compartment empty, he had no idea. It just seemed to be better this way. It was somebody else's space after all. Chuckling softly to himself, Ichigo felt his sight getting blurry as if he was standing behind frozen glass. "Rukia," He whispered with a voice hoarse and broken while the moonlight descended upon his lonely figure through the window.

"I'm lonely."


End file.
